Catching the signal from one of her friends, Angela brushed her skirt, took a deep breath and walked towards where he was sitting. He was a tall skinny man, hair like a lion's mayne (smilie). She shrugged, with a look on her face like she wanted to huddle up in a corner and just stay there forever. She thought back to the last time she tried to talk to him.
" Hey whats up?" she said to him
" Who are you?" He asked. She then ran away, face in her arms, crying because he didnt know who she was.(flashback)
"No i wont let that happen again!" She thought to herself, " I'm not going to humiliate myself again!"
She was suddenly a fierce creature, ready to pounce on her pray. (metaphor)
" H-hey whats up?" She said with a bit of confidence in her tone.
" Hey, have I seen you before?" He said without a care in the world.
" Nope, wanna go out sometime?"
" Sure" He said with surprise in his eyes.
" Okay, awesome" She said, about to explode with joy.
"So where do you wanna go?" He asked.
"Ummmmmmmmmmm" She said, as all her confidence seemd to flush down the toilet. She then ran away scared. ( Irony)
I love the small details in this story such as when you wrote: She was suddenly a fierce creature, ready to pounce on her pray.
ReplyDeleteYour creative post had metaphors and similes that really helped to paint a picture in my mind. However, the use of flashbacks was my favorite detail in your post. Great job.
I liked how you described the guy with a lions mayne. I also liked you use of irony in the WEX. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you expressed the nervousness in the characters
ReplyDelete(didn't i describe you with a lion's mane once?)
I really like how you portrayed Angela! I could really feel her shyness while I was reading. The irony at the end is great- it's probably my favorite part of this piece. I also really liked the metaphor describing her sudden burst of confidence. It really helped set us up for her upcoming actions.
ReplyDeletenice use of simile. when you added "he was a tall and skinny man, hair like a lion's mane"
ReplyDeletethat really got me thinking about what color his hair was or what shape it was fashioned as?
ya... that really got me thinking.